Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Randomize
