A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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