I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
