I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
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