Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
