That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Randomize
