One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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