I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
