So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
