I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
