Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
