can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I want to be your penis for a week.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
