Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
