I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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