I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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