All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
