i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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