Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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