We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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