there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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