you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
