I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
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i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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