I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
