it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
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Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
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Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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