hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
