based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
