we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
is wine microwaveable?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
