You just made me feel so damn special
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Randomize
