you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
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