I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Randomize
