Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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