Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
The power of my boobs compel you
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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