You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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