I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
