She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
My vagina is very pro this idea
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
