i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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