A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
