i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize