Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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