The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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