I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
