No awkward lesbian experiences without me
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
