In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
come find me please
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast