He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.