even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.