Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.