My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
