We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
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the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
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She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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