coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
