I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
