I seem to have left my pride at pride
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
i think i have herpe
just one?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
