Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
