he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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