So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
