does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
