I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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