I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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