I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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