Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
