My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
We have started to decorate penises.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
