Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
ok first of all what the fuck
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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